I have this friend who I met very early on in my Freshman year in college, in the USA, and over the years, she's become one of my closest friends, even to the point where I would call her my sister and she would call me her brother.
And during those years in college, some of my other friends would push me to ask her out. But I never did. And I don't regret that. However, I was curious as to why I never did. She is this fun and loving person and really, there is no good reason for not being with someone who is that great.
Anyway, after college, I came back to Australia and wasn't really in contact with her. We do have social media and email and other ways of communicating, but it's not the same as being with someone face to face. And so, we never really tried to contact each other and kind of moved on.
But then, two years later, I got the opportunity to go back to the USA and managed to see her again. We had dinner together, caught up, went back to her place and watched Netflix. And as we were sitting there, watching episodes of Jessica Jones, a realization came to me. And the realization was that we didn't need to be together. We didn't need anything. We could just be. And really, that's what love is.
It seems that so many of us make love about something, whether we make love about dating, or sex, or marriage, or about having a family, or about having anything else that we might make love about. And in making love about something, we become selfish because we have turned love into needing to get this thing that we make love about. We become selfish because we feel that we need to date, or need to have sex, or need to marry, or need to have a family, or need to do anything else that we might make love about.
But making love about something isn't love.
Love is surrendering to another person.
Love is about letting go and trusting that the other person will hold you up.
Hence the term "Falling in love." We don't "Force love." We don't "Manipulate love." We "Fall in love." It's about the fall. It's about letting go.
And the irony is that once we let go, once we love, love comes back to us.
We decide the consequences that we receive.
And in that way, it is by letting go, by loving, that we can attract another with the same attitude. And that is when magic happens.
My friend and I might never be together. We might be with different people for the rest of our lives. But that is secondary. And what really matters is that we love each other.
What matters is that we love. Everything else is secondary.
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